Today was the day I had been dreading since I found out I was pregnant. I had already agreed to go back to work by that point, so I knew I wasn't going to go back on my decision. I knew that I was going to have to leave my precious baby for at least a few weeks at the end of the year to finish things out. Keith got to deal with the stressed out, overwhelmed version of me these past few days as I prepared myself to go back. He was even the one who eventually coaxed me to go to sleep last night. I was operating on the theory that if I never went to bed, today would never come.
Anyone who knows me pretty well know that I don't tend to look at the best-case scenario in any situation; my brain auto-pilots itself straight to what the worst thing that could happen which explains why I was a basket case last night fearing that Reagan wouldn't have enough food today and she would just be screaming for me. I put off pumping until it was way late so I thought I was providing the bare minimum of what I wanted her to have. I've never been away from her for more than 2 hours and now I was going to have to be away for 8? Add in trying to prepare two kids for daycare, prepare myself to go back to work, and mentally wrap my head around the situation and I made quite the basket case last night.
Even through all the darkness I faced today, I was able to find some shining bright spots. Reagan is in absolutely wonderful hands. She is being loved to pieces by a sweet family while I am gone that sings songs to her and prays Rosaries with her so that I might have strength to get through the day. I have two of the most amazing friends who knew without saying that I was going to have a difficult day. Andi and Kyle brought me flowers, snacks, and a framed picture of me and my family. And they even held me when I started to cry. Again. I have a supportive team at school that has been so completely understanding and helpful. And I have 30 crazy kids that were so excited to see me today.
It will be in total 30 days I'll be separated from Reagan and, after today, I know that I can make it. It's not going to be easy and I know that there will be some days that will seem absolutely horrendous, but I'll just hang on tight to those bright spots; especially my three favorite bright spots when I get home each day.
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